You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
