would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
