it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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