Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
