Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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