Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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