i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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