Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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