I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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