Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
