I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
