The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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