Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
