new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
