She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
