I seem to have left my pride at pride
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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