i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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