break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
