And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
