In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
