All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
