Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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