doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
