And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
