I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
