I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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