I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
