My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
