I just cut my nipple shaving
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
