respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
