Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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