Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
