Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
