i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
