you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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