wat bout pragnant strippers??
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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