i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
