dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
