Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
