Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
