I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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