is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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