I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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