I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
