summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
