Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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