Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
