I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
