your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
