I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
